Belovèd
by
Don Hanratty
My Belovèd is mine, and I am his.
Song of Songs 2:16
CHAPTER 14
The door of the Monterey County jail slammed behind him,
and Alejandro Hernández swung around on the sidewalk, giving the turnkey on
the gate the finger. It was a small statement of freedom after being
confined for so many months. The guard frowned and then ignored him.
Alejandro stood for a moment on the curb thinking about what Walter Emrick had told
him just before Alejandro had processed out: that Walter's sons, Carl and Dan,
were living with their high class attorney, one Ian Carson, in a condo in downtown San
Francisco. Alejandro stood there in front of the jail until a car he recognized
pulled up and stopped.
Just as he'd been ordered to do by his mother, Alberto Hernandez, a tall, handsome,
seventeen year-old kid with an athletic build, beautiful, cocoa skin, and jet black
hair worn in a crew cut, picked up his newly freed Uncle Alejandro in his car outside
the jail. There was little family resemblance between the two. Fortunately
for Alberto, who had long since shortened his name to "Berto," he favored
his mother's side of the family.
Alejandro opened the passenger door, threw a small bag into the back seat, and climbed
into the passenger seat.
"Uncle," Berto said by way of greeting. The boys was unsmiling and
sullen, not hiding his distaste for the man he was picking up. He had been the
victim over the years of many cruelties at the hands of his uncle, including being
sexually molested by him when the boy was thirteen. He hadn't been fucked, but
Alejandro had stroked him off and then laughed at him in his shame and
confusion. Berto had given him a wide berth since that day. Unfortunately
there had been no one else but him available to go to the jail that day to pick up
Alejandro and give him a ride home.
"How's it hangin', kid?" Alejandro asked him, looking down at the boy's
crotch. The hulking man normally didn't pay much attention to men, being fond of
women, but he was horny after many months of incarceration. He reached down and
squeezed the boy's package.
Berto pulled the car over in one quick hurry.
"Keep your hands to yourself, or get the fuck outta my car," he told his
uncle. "I'm not thirteen years old anymore."
"You oughtta treat me nicer than this," Alejandro laughed.
"Haven't I always been nice to you, boy?"
"Yeah, right!" the kid spat out. "Where do you want to go,
anyway? I gotta get back to school."
"I'm staying with your dad and mom for awhile, you lucky guy!" the
older man said. Within a month of his going to jail, he had received word that
he had been evicted from his room by his landlord, and his belongings sold. So
he was homeless for the moment.
"If you're really nice to me, I'll sleep in with you in your bed," Alejandro
continued. "You'd like that, I bet."
"You get anywhere near my bed, and I'm moving out," the boy said
matter-of-factly. "Mama won't like it when I leave, so you'll be on the way
out the door yourself."
The smile disappeared from the man's face.
"You're going to the house, then?" Berto asked.
"I have to run an errand first," his uncle said. "Go out to
Emrick Cadillac."
Berto thought of asking his uncle a smart ass question about buying a new Cadillac,
but he kept his mouth shut, and headed out toward a row of car dealers which included
Walter Emrick's dealership. He pulled into the parking lot, and Alejandro
stepped out of the vehicle and went into the showroom, taking out his wallet as he
walked. He removed a folded piece of paper from it on which the name "Noah
Smith" was written.
Five minutes later, Alejandro was in Noah Smith's office, and Smith was reading the
note from Walter Emrick. Without a word, general manager closed the open
venetian blinds to the showroom, opened a safe in the wall, and began removing packets
of currency, piling them on his desk. When he was finished, he put the currency
in a canvas bag, zipped it shut, and handed it over to Hernandez.
"Nice doing business with you," Alejandro said to a silent Noah Smith,
smirking as he walked out.
Still standing at his desk, Smith took the note Walter Emrick had sent via Hernandez,
put it in a manila folder, and placed it at the back of a locking file drawer in his
desk.
Alejandro sauntered out to Berto's car and got in. Berto looked looked curiously
at the canvas bag his uncle was carrying, but said nothing.
"Can I take you to the house now?" the boy asked. "I told you I
have to get back to school."
"Drop me off at the used car dealer down the street from the house. I need
some wheels. Unless you'll let me use your car," the big man said with an
evil grin.
"Fuck, no!" Berto said vehemently.
"That's what I thought." Alejandro rubbed his thumb on the canvas bag
he held tightly in his hands, and then looked at his nephew. "You wanna
make some money?"
"Where are you gonna get money? You don't work. Money for doing
what?"
"I'll have the money. That won't be a problem. I'll pay you a hundred
a night to stake out a condo in the city from 6 o'clock to midnight and let me know
when a certain guy comes and goes, and where he goes. And there are a couple of
kids I want you to be on the lookout for."
"I don't think so," Berto said doubtfully. "I'm not gonna end up
in jail like you do all the time."
"I'm not asking you to do anything illegal," Alejandro lied. "You
need pussy money. You do like pussy, don't you?"
Berto's face turned red. "None of your fucking business," he told his
uncle.
"We'll talk more when you get home from school," Alejandro told his nephew.
They drove in silence as Berto dropped his uncle off at a used car dealer and made his
way back to school.
* * *
Kevin was sitting on the far side of the desk he and Cam shared in Cam's
room, typing an answer to a soccer teammate who had emailed him. He read
over his response quickly, and hit "Enter." A moment later the
email was on its way. Kevin took a tissue from a handy box and wiped his
brow. He was sweating from the workout that he, Cam and Dan Emrick had just
finished in his old bedroom next door, now the weight room.
The boys were tired and yet exhilarated from the workout. Kevin
had badgered Cam and Dan until they'd both put on their shorts and gym shoes, and
he'd supervised their workout while getting his own exercises done. Kevin
thought he'd caught Dan a few times checking out his and Cam's butts and crotches,
but he wasn't positive about that. Kevin knew it didn't mean much--gay or
straight, guys always looked at each other's bodies and equipment when the
opportunity presented itself.
Kevin shut down his laptop, pushed it out of the way, and put his elbows on
the desk. Resting his chin on his hands, he watched Cam standing at the
mirror in their bathroom. Shirtless, Cam was gazing at his reflection in the
mirror while fingering the smooth skin on his face and neck, turning his head from
side to side to make sure there were no blemishes. There weren't any.
Like Kevin, the boy had a sheen of sweat clinging to him as he stood there
barechested in his gym shorts. Kevin noted the usual healthy bulge in front
the front of Cam's shorts, and the heavy elastic of his partner's jock peeking out
of his shorts at the small of his back. His biceps were bunched and his pecs
were prominent and perfect. Kevin inadvertently smiled at the sight of his
lover, eyes fixed on Cam's lats and muscular arms and legs, and having a perfect
side view of his glutes and his basket.
After watching Cam study himself in the mirror for a few minutes, Kevin stood up
from the desk and walked into the bathroom. Sliding his hand down Cam's
sweaty back, he quickly plunged it under the waist of the boy's shorts and the
elastic of his jock until it was down on Cam's ass, his middle finger in his
partner's crack, resting on his pucker. Just resting there with no
penetration. He molded his other hand gently around Cam's left pec.
Cam turned his head slowly and looked at Kevin, not cracking a smile.
"Why are you here, young Skywalker?"
"I saw you standing here staring into the mirror like Narcissus, and I wanted
to save you from the sin of vanity."
"Dude, you're awfully literate for a jock, talking about Narcissus. So
you're holding my butt to save me from sin, is that what you're telling me?"
"Well yeah!! What did you think?"
"I think you're a lyin' sack of shit. That's what I think."
"That's cruelly honest of you," Kevin said. "But as long as
I've been found out..." He moved the hand on Cam's chest down and
gently cupped his partner's package over his shorts, fondling it.
"Why are you so horny all the time?" Cam asked, looking deep into his
partner's eyes and trying not to laugh.
"Because my superbly toned body is manufacturing more semen than I'm able to
utilize conveniently on our current schedule. Or, to put it in words you'll
understand, I need more sex."
"More sex? You can't be serious."
"I am, though."
"If we do it any more often, my dick is gonna fall off."
"Weakling!" Kevin said, giving his partner's dick another squeeze.
"What doesn't kill you or your body parts only makes you stronger."
Cam groaned. "Have you thought of locking yourself in the bathroom with
a Playgirl?"
"Those days are gone forever. That would have been a perfect solution
before we became sex partners. But at this point you'd have to be with me
naked in the bathroom to inspire me. Forget the friggin' magazine."
"I know your dick is kind of big for your hand, but if
I bought you lotion, could you jerk it on your own?"
"No way! You're the one with the magic fingers! Besides, my juice
has a mission," Kevin said solemnly.
"What are you talking about?"
"My splooge needs to be injected into your body frequently, my cock being the
chosen instrument of delivery. Nothing else will do the job."
"Unhand my dick right now, you dipshit," Cam said. "You're
really cute, but we have to leave for Baby class right after supper, and you need
to shower first 'cause you stink. And I have to shower, too, because you
forced me to exercise!"
In the blink of an eye, Kevin grabbed Cam's gym shorts and yanked them down around
his ankles. Unperturbed, Cam stood there calmly in his jock looking at his
partner.
"I can't countenance that kind of boldness," he told Kevin.
"What?"
"I can't countenance that kind of boldness."
"What the fuck does that mean? I'm a science major, y'know. Speak
English."
"I am speaking English, you dumb shit. It means that I can't
approve of your boldness."
"Approve this!" Kevin said as he bent down and nipped Cam's cock with
his teeth right through the jock.
"Owww!!" Cam faked being in pain.
"You're such a wuss!" Kevin said. "Get naked, and get in the
shower!"
"If we shower together, can we just wash each other and then get right
downstairs to eat?"
"Maybe," Kevin said noncommittally.
"You make me crazy!" Cam said, starting to strip Kevin down. Kevin
let him. Cam shed his own jock, and then they got in the shower
together. Kevin tried to restrain himself in there with only modest success,
and after a lot of laughter, the two of them eventually emerged wet, grinning and
oh-so-relaxed.
As Cam was drying Kevin's body, the latter reached down to the floor and picked up
Cam's jock. He put the inside of the pouch to his nose and smelled it.
Cam grinned. "Wear that over your face tonight in case bird flu hits
while we're in Baby class," he suggested. "Prevention is the best
medicine."
"You want me to be high in class from the fumes?" Kevin said, laughing.
"That'd be OK," Cam said. "I'll remember everything the
instructor says.".
They finished drying themselves off and went into the bedroom. Kevin's gaze
lingered on his partner.
"I love touching you more than anything in this world, y'know," he told
Cam seriously, his dark eyes shining.
Cam said nothing, but went over to Kevin, embracing him and nuzzling his face,
kissing him gently on the nose before moving away and pulling clothes out of his
dresser to put on.
The two of them dressed, and hurried downstairs for supper. Ian had arrived
home from the city, and the food was ready. William and Carl had set the
table, and all the boys helped bring bring in several roasted chickens and side
dishes that Rosa had prepared before she went home. Mary Carson offered
thanks as everyone stood in a circle around the table, holding hands.
"Heavenly Father, we are grateful for the bounty we share around this table
tonight, and for the hands that prepared it. We bless you, Lord, for the
hospitality we have received in this house, and for each and every person
here. We ask that you keep us safe in your care because we all dwell in the
palm of your hand. We receive this food with thanks, and ask that you keep
us always mindful of the needs of all your children everywhere. We pray all
these things through Christ our Lord."
"Amen."
"Good prayer, sweetheart," Ian said as they all sat down.
"Thank you."
There were murmurs of agreement all around.
"Tonight's your first Baby class, isn't it?" Catherine asked, looking in
Cam's and Kevin's direction as they all started eating passed dishes around,
filled their plates, and began eating.
"Yes, it is," Kevin said. "I'm really looking forward to
learning before the baby comes how to take better care of all these boys around
this table. These guys all have little infantile quirks that really gross me
out. So these classes will help me do a better job with 'em."
The boys all hooted.
"Yeah, right!" William Carson said, not having a witty come-back for a
change. "Don't start," he warned Kevin.
"Now, now, we're all family here," Kevin said. "Nobody cares
that you, for instance, still like to suck your thumb when you sleep. That's
not evil, just a little unusual at your age."
"He is kind of a baby, now that you mention it," Mark Carson told
Kevin, watching William slyly out of the corner of his eye. "It hasn't
been easy for me, being his brother and all."
William laughed good naturedly. "Listen, you chumps!" he told the
boys. "When one of you geeks has his first adult thought, let me know
right away so we can party."
"Cam, you and Kevin are my babies," Catherine interjected.
"Nothing can change that."
"Not you too, Mom!" Cam protested. "You're supposed to be on
the side of sanity!"
"I am, sweetheart," she said.
"Well, when you get back from class tonight, we'll expect a full
report," Ian told Kevin and Cam. "We can all learn something,
can't we, boys?" he said to the others.
They nodded obediently, trying to look sincere.
"Take good notes, then," Dan Emrick said.
"We will," Kevin said. "You guys are going to need to be
fully informed. You really didn't think that Cam and I are going to pull all
the weight when it comes to taking care of the new baby when it arrives, did
you? We'll have a complete schedule worked out by the time the baby is born,
and your names will all appear on it. Frequently. I know you'll all be
naturals when it comes to the diaper detail. I'll be supervising."
William, Mark, Carl and Dan all groaned. But nobody said he wouldn't help
out, Catherine noticed. She looked at Mary, and they smiled at each
other. These are good kids, Catherine thought to herself, and she affirmed
to herself yet again how natural it seemed that they were all living in her house.
"Moving on to another subject," Cam said to the Carson and Emrick boys,
trying to keep the spotlight on them, "I'd like to hear a little report on
how home schooling is going."
"Going well!" Mark Carson said with an innocent face.
"There should probably be some kind of final exams administered just to make
sure that you've all been applying yourselves, doncha think?" Cam
suggested. "I'm hoping we don't have any slackers here, but you never
know..."
"Totally unnecessary," Carl Emrick said.
"I'm sure that's true," Cam said. "But I think Ian and Mary
will rest a little easier if there's some sort of evidence to support your
claim."
"I know I will," Mary Carson said, suppressing a grin.
"Mommy!" William said reproachfully. "You know we'd never
lie."
"Certainly not intentionally, dear," Mary said. "But you
should all thank Cam for bringing the subject up so that you'll know right where
you stand when Mr. Montgomery finishes up his classes for the year. And I
expect the finals will be all essay questions, except for the trig and calculus,
of course."
"Oh, believe me, we'll find a way to thank Cam," Carl said, giving him
the evil eye. "Count on that."
Cam just smiled beatifically and continued eating. Mission accomplished.
The rest of the meal continued with lively repartee. After they were
finished, the boys cleared the table and cleaned up the kitchen.
Cam and Kevin were leaving for class as Ian beckoned Carl into the breakfast
nook. The rest of the boys headed for the TV room.
"Things going all right, Carl?" Ian asked the boy after they sat down.
"Yes, sir."
"Are you sleeping all right?"
"Most of the time."
"Good. Have you set up an appointment for counseling with Dr. Smith
over at St. Francis yet?" Ian asked.
"No."
"Are you putting it off?"
"Maybe I don't need counseling," Carl suggested.
"I think you do, Carl," Ian said firmly. "And you agreed to
do it. After you've been in therapy for a while, we can talk about how long
you should continue. I told you before that you won't have to go for a
minute longer than than is appropriate, but you do have to go. I know how
much you need to go."
Carl looked down at the table and didn't respond.
"Do you want me to make the first appointment for you and take you over
there?" Ian asked.
"No," Carl sighed. "I'll do it."
"Call tomorrow," Ian said firmly.
"All right," Carl said a little sullenly.
They stood up, and Ian pulled the boy into his arms, and bending his head down,
kissed his cheek.
"We love you, boy," Ian said. "I wouldn't insist on this if
it wouldn't help you."
"I know you wouldn't," Carl said, a little teary eyed. "Thank
you for caring about me."
"That's a given," Ian said.
* * *
Cam and Kevin drove over to the community college for Baby class in the
Camaro, and as usual, Cam parked as far away from other cars in the parking
lot as he could to avoid any dings in his car doors.
Before they alighted from the car, Kevin grabbed Cam's arm.
"Listen," Kevin said, "you don't know how much I appreciate
what you're doing for me. I mean, coming over here to learn how to take
care of the baby when it arrives, and everything. I just want to ask you
one last time whether you're sure you really want to help me raise this
baby. It's starting to hit me what a humongous job this is going to
be. This is big, and I feel like I've dragged you into it."
That pissed Cam off. "Y'know, Kevin, you need a good ass
kicking! What the fuck are you thinking, asking me a question like
that? Why would you think I'd do anything but help you take care
of the baby? I don't get it! Don't you think I love you? Or
do you think I won't love the baby?"
Kevin's throat got a lump in it, and he couldn't talk for a minute. He
sat there silently, looking down at his sneakers.
"I was pretty sure you'd say that," he finally responded.
"I love you so much, man, and I'm so grateful to you."
"OK," Cam said. "Don't ever ask me that question
again. Now, let's hit it!"
Running a little late at this point, they got out of the car and loped into
the building, finding the classroom they were looking for without any trouble.
There were five other couples in the room when they arrived, all heterosexual
couples ranging in age from high school to one couple in their forties.
The women were all in various stages of pregnancy. The instructor was a
pert, trim young woman with long blonde hair fixed in a pony tail, wearing
camel colored slacks and a tight, red sweater. Nice boobs, Cam and Kevin
both noticed. Hey, I'm gay, not dead, Kevin told himself.
One corner of the room was devoted to bassinets, cribs and other baby
furniture, and baby bottles, along with baby doll dummies which they would
obviously be learning how to handle correctly.
"Good evening," the instructor said, calling the class to
order. "I'm Ann Stewart, and I'll be your instructor for this
class." She printed her name and the course title, "First Time
Parents," on the green board.
Turning around, she said, "Why don't we go around the room and introduce
ourselves?"
Couples began introducing themselves and telling a bit about themselves, with
the others applauding as they finished.
When it was Kevin's and Cam's turn, Kevin said, "I'm Kevin Stoltz, and
this is my foster brother, Cam MacKenzie. We're graduating seniors in
high school. My former girlfriend is pregnant with our child, and I'll
be taking custody of the baby when it's born. Cam has agreed to help me
raise the child. We don't know anything about baby care, and that's why
we're here."
The younger couples applauded and nodded politely. The couple in their
forties looked disapprovingly at them, stony faced, and did not clap for Cam
and Kevin as they had for the others. The woman's expression suggested
that she wanted to come over and brand Kevin with a scarlet "A" and
slap him with a Bible.
"Thank you all," Ms. Stewart said. "Now, let me pass out
the syllabus for this course. Our goal here is to absorb the available
information on infant care and to help each other learn and carry out good
practices as we go along. This is a pass/fail course for which credit is
given, but the only way you can fail this class is not to attend.
Getting a "Pass" will simply be a recognition that you know how to
give quality care to infants and babies. If my past experience as a
teacher holds true, we can all learn from one another as we practice the
techniques together.
"Each one of you brings not only your instincts as human beings to the
group process," she continued, "but also patterns from the way you
yourself were raised and have seen others raised, no matter how dim you may
think your memories of that are. Don't be shocked when I tell you that
neither your instincts nor information from personal observation are
necessarily 'on target' one hundred percent when it comes to handling infants
and babies. There are right ways and wrong ways to discharge your
parental responsibilities for care of a newborn, and you will know the right
things to do by the time this class is over."
Mrs. Stewart passed out the syllabus, and Cam and Kevin looked it over
quickly. Some of the topics were fundamentals like burping, bathing,
bonding with and soothing an infant, followed by the basic physiology of
newborns and what to do and what to avoid: how to support a baby's head
and neck, never shaking a baby, making certain that a child is securely
fastened into carriers and conveyances, and avoiding any rough play that
involved throwing a baby into the air or jiggling him or her too hard on one's
knee. Also included were admonitions about the importance of a
relationship with a regular pediatrician as a source for information and
treatment when those things were needed.
Then they all got right into it, with the latter part of the hour being
devoted to demonstrations and practicing with the infant dummies how to
physically handle a newborn.
Kevin and Cam had a good time, and when class was over, they left smiling.
After they arrived home and garaged the Camaro, it was dark. Kevin
pulled Cam into the shadowy, fenced area of the pool and began to pull Cam's
clothes off.
"Rape!" Cam whispered, pretending he was yelling.
"I'll give you rape!" Kevin said, putting a hand over Cam's
mouth. "Cooperate and get your naked ass into the pool! You
need a swim."
"All right! I'll undress myself, dipshit! Get your own self
naked!"
Moments later they dived into the pool and surfaced, shaking the water from
their crew cuts.
"Yeah!" Kevin said. "The water feels good!"
Treading water, he moved slowly towards Cam, put one arm around him, kissed
him, and then reached down under water with the other hand to cup his
partner's package. "This feels even better," he said.
"You have such a one track mind! Thank goodness for that," Cam
said, smiling, and returning the favor.
"Oh, yeah!!!" Kevin shouted exuberantly into the night air.
The pool lights suddenly came on, and William stood on the high back deck
looking down at Cam and Kevin floating around in the pool, holding each other.
"Hey, assholes," William said softly, cupping his hands around his
mouth to make sure no adult in the house heard him. "Whatcha
doin'?"
"What's it look like? Come on in, chicken shit," Cam yelled up
to him. "And turn off the lights."
"OK," William said, cutting off the lights and starting down the
steps, pulling off his T-shirt and dropping his shorts and boxers. His
trainers and socks were the last to go when he reached the pool deck. He
dived into the pool, swimming under water at the two boys, grabbing their legs
and upending them. Cam and Kevin came up sputtering and went after
William, catching him before he could heave himself up on the deck to safety.
"This boy needs punishment, Kevin," Cam told his partner.
"I know it!" Kevin agreed. "Why don't we feel him up and
turn him queer like us!"
William's eyes got big. "You fruits keep your hands to
yourself," he said, and then he began laughing. "I'm as gay as
I'm gonna get, and that's not gay at all."
Cam and Kevin put their hands on top of the tall boy's head, and shoved him
under water. He came up sputtering.
By this time, the commotion had brought the other three boys out on the upper
deck.
"Get your asses down here," Kevin yelled. "We want to
sacrifice one of you idiots to Neptune!"
Carl hooted, and moments later all three guys were in the pool, naked and
cavorting around. Thirty minutes later they were all exhausted, and
pulled themselves up out of the pool and collapsed on the deck. Cam went
into the pool house and brought out a big pile of towels. They dried
off, and then sat on the side of the pool naked with their legs dangling into
the water. The two border collies, Sam and Alice, joined the boys
sitting on the edge of the pool, just part of the gang.
Dan Emrick was sitting next to Kevin. "How was class?" he
asked him.
"It was good," Kevin said, putting an arm around Dan and squeezing
his neck. "We sure got some good pointers about how to take care of
you four babies."
"Yeah, right!" Mark said. "You don't know shit!" he
added.
"We do know shit," Kevin said, peering around Cam at
Mark. "I'm lookin' at a big pile of San Francisco shit right
now!"
"Hey, hey! Watch your mouth, boy!" William said.
"But I have to admit Mark resembles that remark!"
Mark put his arm around William and dumped him back into the pool.
William came up sputtering. "Fucking kids got no respect for their
elders," he said. "That's the trouble in today's world."
Cam reached out a hand a pulled William back up on the deck.
"William and Mark and Carl, you ready to work out?" Kevin asked.
"Yeah!" Mark said enthusiastically.
"I guess so," William said.
"It wouldn't hurt all you yokels to work out more often, y'know,"
Kevin said. "You could have a magnificent body like mine if you
worked at it."
"My body is already magnificent!" Carl maintained. And he
wasn't wrong about that.
"Speaking of bodies, you guys would have liked our teacher," Cam
said. "Nice boobs. Very nice. You'd have all had
woodies!"
"What are you guys doing looking at women?" William asked.
Dan and Mark looked puzzled at William's question.
"Whaddaya mean by that?" Mark asked.
William realized he'd said more than he should have, and made a face and shook
his head about his faux pas. Then he looked over at Cam, who
nodded at him.
"Tell them," Cam said.
"No," William said, shaking his head in embarrassment.
"Kevin and I are gay," Cam said. "We're life
partners. We're gonna raise Kevin's baby together, and somehow, some
way, we're gonna be married to each other some day when we find out how to go
about it."
Mark Carson showed no surprise at the revelation, and merely shrugged his
shoulders. Dan Emrick looked shocked. Knowing the truth already,
William and Carl just stared down into the pool.
"Does Catherine know?" Dan asked a little plaintively.
"Yes," Kevin said. "For quite a few months
now. And Ian and Mary just found out recently."
"Uh, if I could ask, how is it you're having a baby if you're gay?"
Dan asked Kevin.
"That's the question everybody asks when they hear that Cam and I are
partners," Kevin said. "The answer is, that I dated girls for
a long time because I didn't think there was a chance that Cam could be gay,
too, and that he could love me. I knew all the time I loved him.
Once we were honest with each other, we became partners. But I'd been
stupid in not using protection with my girlfriend because I thought she was on
the pill, and now I'm going to be a father. I can tell you, though, that
Cam and I are going to be the best fathers we can be, and we'll love this baby
totally."
"Nobody can ask more than that," William said. He looked at
Cam and Kevin. "I'm sorry, guys. I didn't mean to out
you."
"It's all right," Cam said. "We're a family, and it's
better if everybody knows the truth."
The six of them sat in silence for a few minutes, staring down at the pool,
and then Kevin stood up.
"Come on, Dan, let's watch these guys work out."
"Uh, I think I'll pass tonight. Thanks anyway."
Suspecting the reason Dan wouldn't go to the weight room with him, Kevin was a
little hurt, but he hid it well. "That's all right. Come on,
boys, let's hit it."
" 'K, bro! Right behind you," William said.
The other boys stood, gave themselves a last swipe with the towels, got
dressed, and went into the house while Cam and Kevin collected the towels and
put them into a hamper in the pool house.
"Somebody got the shock of his life, I guess," Cam told Kevin.
"I hope Dan will be all right with it."
"We'll see," Kevin said and let the matter drop.
Kevin and Cam followed the others inside, greeted Ian, Mary and Catherine, and
told them a little about Baby class. Then they went upstairs and put on
their gym clothes again. William, Carl and Mark joined them in the
weight room, and after doing some warm-ups, started working out under Kevin
and Cam's supervision.
After their workout was over, William and Carl took Mark and Dan into their
room and shut the door.
William looked at the younger boys. "Listen, you guys, I didn't
mean for you to hear about Kevin and Cam the way you did. And I sure as
hell don't want this to affect the friendship that we all have with
them."
"I'm cool with it," Mark said to Carl. "How long have you
known?"
"They told me at their cabin in the Big Sur the same day they called your
dad to help me," Carl told Mark. "The day they saved my
life."
"What about you?" Mark asked his brother William.
"I went down the hall to Cam's bedroom one morning and saw them sleeping
in bed together holding each other. Not doing anything, just
sleeping. I was surprised, but I was OK with it after I talked to Carl
and Cam about it."
"Listen, Dan, you're a fool if you let this information ruin your
friendship with these guys," Carl said. "You and I wouldn't be
sitting here safe right now if they hadn't taken care of me and you, like
brothers do, y'know. If you give 'em the cold shoulder because they're
gay, you're giving up on the support we all give each other in this
house. Please don't do that."
"I know you're right," Dan said. "I guess I just need
some time to get used to the idea."
"Fair enough!" Carl said. The boys dapped each other, and Dan
and Mark went to their own room. Dan was confused about his own
thoughts, and felt tired. He stripped down to his boxers, and climbed
into his bed. Mark went downstairs to watch television on big screen.
Dan was still awake an hour later when a knock sounded on the door, and it was
Mary Carson. She came in and sat on the edge of his bed.
"Are you feeling all right, Dan?"
"Yes, I'm just tired, I guess."
"Is that all it is?"
"Well..."
"Mark told me that you know about Cam and Kevin. How do you feel
about it?"
"I'm confused. You get an idea about who people are, and then you
find out you don't know them at all," Dan complained.
"Cam and Kevin are the same people they've always been," Mary
said. "Really good guys. They look at all you boys like
brothers. I hope you don't turn your back on them. That would hurt
them, and it will hurt you, I know that."
"You're right," Dan said. "I just need time to think
things over."
"Fair enough, sweetheart. I love you. Sleep
tight." Mary bent down and kissed the boy's forehead, and left the
room.
Dan fell asleep eventually, and didn't even hear Mark when he came to bed.
Carl was a good as his word after his little talk with Ian,
and called Dr. Amanda Smith's office at St. Francis University the next
morning to set up an appointment. Surprisingly, before the
receptionist would take the appointment, she directed the call to Dr. Smith
herself.
"Hello, Carl," Dr. Smith said. She had a pleasant, alto
voice, and Carl liked that.
"Good morning, Dr. Smith. This is Carl Emrick."
"Dr. MacKenzie had alerted me to expect a call from you one of these
days. How are you doing?"
"I think I'm doing well, but my foster dad wants me to talk to
you."
"But do you want to talk to me."
"Well...how can I put this? I'm willing, but not eager."
Dr. Smith laughed.
"Thank you for being honest with me. Why don't we get together
and give this a shot. We won't know unless we try. When would be
a good time for you?" the doctor asked, looking at her schedule on her
laptop, open and running on her desk.
"Soon, I guess. Do you have any time tomorrow?"
"I'll make time. What about 2 p.m.?"
"That's fine."
Tucking the phone receiver under her chin, the doctor moved the cursor on
her computer, and began typing.
"Where will I find you on campus?" Carl asked when the typing
stopped.
"Come in the University's main entrance and follow that road straight
down to a dead end. The building in front of you at the dead end
provides offices for the medical faculty, and my office is in there.
Room 205."
"Thank you for taking me right away, Doctor," Carl said.
"I'll see you tomorrow at 2."
They hung up, and Amanda Smith buzzed the receptionist and asked her to
bring up the appointment schedule on her own computer and note the
addition. The computers were networked.
Amanda Smith was relieved the boy had called. She had begun to be
concerned about whether he would or not.
Carl didn't know how fortunate he was. Dr. Smith was meticulous and
conscientious about her practice, an excellent therapist who was
knowledgeable, well read, compassionate, and devoted to learning more in her
field. She was so effective in part because she was well balanced and
psychologically healthy herself. She was happily married to an
neurologist, and they had two school age children together. She loved
working with children and young people, and they generally responded
positively to her. Her skill and pleasant manner facilitated excellent
"transfer" when appropriate in the therapeutic process.
After class with Mr. Montgomery the following day, Carl changed into a pair
of khakis and a nice, ribbed sweater over a white T-shirt for his first
session with his new therapist. He looked like a young, handsome,
care-free jock. He pulled the Navigator into a parking spot at the
Medical office building at 1:55 p.m., and found his way to Dr. Smith's
office. The receptionist was pleasant, and offered him coffee, a soft
drink, or a bottle of water. He accepted the water, and twisted off
the cap and took a swallow as she handed him a medical history questionnaire
to complete. When he was finished with the questionnaire, he gave it
back to to her, and she buzzed the doctor in her office.
A moment later the door to the "inner sanctum" opened and a woman
with shoulder length, taffy colored hair tied back with an elastic band,
emerged, She was of medium
height, in her late thirties or early forties, with a nice shape, dressed in
a skirt and blouse with a sweater. Her outstanding feature was her
face. It was so beautiful that Carl was stunned for a moment.
She had a creamy complexion and wore no makeup. Her eyes were dark
brown, like Kevin's. Carl felt instinctively this was someone to whom
he could not only talk, but someone to whom he could pour out everything in
his life, no matter how embarrassing, for the sheer pleasure of talking to
her and spending time with her.
"Hello, Carl," Amanda Smith said, extending her hand.
Carl shook it firmly as he greeted her, and noticed
she had a wedding ring on her other hand.
"Please come in," the doctor said, ushering him into her office
and shutting the door behind them. The office was a soothing light
green, dimly lighted, with a desk and upholstered chairs scattered here and
there. There was a leather therapy couch on one wall. The art
work was eclectic, but heavy on modern paintings. Dr. Smith motioned
him into a chair, and sat down in another chair beside him rather than going
around behind the desk. There were to be no barriers here, Carl
thought to himself.
"I'm glad to meet you at last," Dr. Smith said. "Dr.
MacKenzie thinks very highly of you."
"She's an amazing woman. She's taken two families into her home
right now without blinking an eye."
"She's greatly admired here on campus." She paused.
"Why don't you tell me about yourself? I'm sure you understand
that our sessions are completely confidential, so you need have no concerns
about anything you tell me being divulged to anyone else. If you have
no problem with it, I'd like to record our discussions so that my notes will
be complete and accurate."
"That's cool with me. How far back should I start?"
"How far back do you remember?"
"All right." And Carl began to talk about his early
recollections as a child, around the time Dan had been born and their mother
had been alive. He talked steadily, interrupted by the doctor
occasionally for a clarification. Amanda Smith wanted Carl to start
with his early life experiences in the hope that he would be less
self-conscious when he eventually reached the trauma that had really brought
him to her office.
The doctor warmed to the boy as he told his story. Although she often
used a combination of cognitive and behavior therapies, she was not a slave
to either school of thought. She made a judgment as Dan talked that
she would suspend a final decision on her treatment plan until the next
session.
Carl was all right until he reached the point in his story at which his
father had molested and beaten him. His face turned red, and tears
began coursing silently down his cheeks. The boy's throat closed up as
he struggled to tell the therapist exactly what Walter Emrick had done to
him, and how he had submitted to the man in the belief that his father would
simply mete out the same treatment to his younger brother Dan if Carl
weren't cooperative.
Dr. Smith handed him a box of kleenex, and Carl wiped his eyes and blew his
nose.
Carl finished up with the story of his and Dan's placement with the Carsons,
and a description of the life they were living now at the MacKenzie
house. Amanda Smith and Carl sat in silence looking at each other for
a long moment.
"Thank you for being so thorough, Carl," the doctor said.
"It sounds as if this extended family is an ideal spot for you to be
right now."
"Yes and no," Carl said, his face still flushed. "This
is the first time I've really had a family since my mother died. I
love Mary and Ian Carson and Catherine MacKenzie. Not just for taking
me and Dan in. I love them because they're the kind of people they
are. I can't tell you how good and kind they are, and how well they
treat all us kids. My problem is being around all the
boys." He paused. "I think that what my dad did to me
may have turned me queer. These boys are all really good
looking. I can't seem to help perving on them all the
time. Two of the boys are gay, and I think all the time about what
they're doing with each other when they have sex."
"Did you like to look at boys' bodies before you dad molested
you?" Dr. Smith asked.
"Some, I guess. You know, in the locker room. All the guys
look at each other just for comparison purposes, I guess." Carl
smiled. "But I didn't used to look at boys the way I look at my
'brothers' now."
"Have you ever had an unforced, gay sexual experience?"
"No."
"Did you have a girlfriend when you were living in Seaside?"
"Yes."
"Did you have sex with her?"
"Yes."
"How many times?"
"I don't know exactly. A lot."
"Do you think your interest in your brothers right now is because there
are no girls of your age available to you to socialize with?"
"I don't know."
"Well, we'll talk more about your orientation as we continue to
meet," Amanda Smith said. "Or am I being presumptuous in
suggesting we're going to continue to meet?"
"I know I need to do this, even though it hurts to talk openly about
what's happened to me. But even if I weren't convinced this would help
me, I'd do it because my foster father thinks I should. It's the least
I can do for him after all he's done for me and Dan."
"As long as you want to do it, we can move ahead."
Carl studied her. "I do. Thank you for taking me as a
patient."
"You're welcome. Let me ask you this: are you able to sleep
at night? Do you have nightmares or wake up at night for no
reason?
"Yes, I sleep pretty well. But sometimes I do have a nightmare
that wakes me up."
"How often?"
"Maybe once a week," Carl said.
"Are you able to concentrate on your studies without any problem?"
"Yes."
"Very good," Dr. Smith said. "I'm not going to
prescribe you any meds, then, unless circumstances change. You'll let
me know if anything changes?"
"Yes."
"Now, let's set up a schedule for getting together. I'd like to
meet twice a week with you for the first month, and then if we're making
progress, we can go to once a week. I know that sounds a little open
ended, but I promise you that I'm going to bring our sessions to an end at
the very earliest date we can."
"All right."
"What days are best for you?"
"Why don't we try Tuesdays and Fridays?" Carl suggested.
"Good. What time?
"How about 2 p.m.?"
"That's good,"
Dr. Smith went to her desk and typed on her laptop.
"You're going to do well, Carl." she told him. "I think
you've come for help before your experience with your father has damaged you
and your life too drastically. I predict you'll be able to come to
term with what your father did and move on. So let's feel good about
our sessions, and promise each other we're going to work hard, shall
we?"
"Yes, ma'am."
Dr. Smith extended her cool, dry hand and shook hands with him firmly, and
Carl left the office with a smile on his face. He was happy he had
followed through in making the appointment, and he knew Ian was going to be
very pleased.
That night at supper the family feasted on paella made from Rosa Mendez's family recipe, with mussels,
lobster, shrimp, chicken, pork, pepperoni, rice, saffron and wine in
it. Catherine served it from a huge pot she put down on a trivet right
in the middle of the dining room table, along with a plate of hot, thick cut
slices of French bread slathered in garlic butter, and a good salad.
She asked William to offer thanks before they sat down.
"Heavenly Father," William said as the delicious smell of the
paella wafted over the table, making everyone's mouth water, "you are a
great and generous provider of good things for your children. We bless
you for this food you have given us, and for the family surrounding this
table. They are both your gift to us. Give us grateful hearts
for what we are about to receive, through Christ our Lord."
"Amen."
"Good prayer, bro!" Cam said as they all sat down.
"You do me proud, son," Ian told William. "Maybe a
parochial school education wasn't wasted on you after all," he added,
hiding a smile.
William shrugged it off, but inwardly he was always pleased to be praised by
his dad.
The boys all talked about sports for a while, and then Kevin reminded
everyone that Cam's senior prom was coming up, and that he would be wearing
a kilt to the dance.
"I dunno," Mark said after a short silence, trying to keep a
straight face. "You have kind of skinny legs for a kilt, doncha
think?"
"I don't think so," Cam said, laughing. "Neither does
my date."
"You and your date have talked about your legs?" Carl asked.
"I'd like to have been a fly on the wall for that
conversation."
"No, we haven't talked about my legs. Let's just say that she
hasn't expressed any dissatisfaction with my legs," Cam said.
"She must like bird legs, then," Dan threw into the conversation.
"You guys keep it up!" Cam growled. "But I'm gonna hurt
ya if you do," he said.
"On another subject," Catherine interjected, "will everyone
be home for supper tomorrow night?"
Nods all around said it would be a full house.
"I've invited Father Mason from St. Andrew's to join us. I think
we all need to get better acquainted with him."
"Good, Catherine," Mary said. "I've been thinking we
should do that."
They continued talking about St. Andrew's and the Episcopal church in
general for the remainder of the meal.
After supper, all the boys except for Carl went into the TV room. Carl
pulled Ian aside and told him he had kept his first appointment with Dr.
Smith. Ian looked pleased.
"How was it?" he asked Carl.
"Good. I like her." Carl said. "She's really
friendly and easy to talk to."
"Did you set up a regular schedule?" Ian asked.
"Yes. I'll be seeing her twice a week for a while, and then once
a week for a while longer. Have you ever met her or talked to
her?" Carl asked.
"No. But when I mentioned her name to Catherine, she praised her
to the skies. That was all I needed to know."
"The reason I asked is, she promised me the same thing you did--that I
wouldn't have to stay in therapy longer than was absolutely necessary."
"That's true. You won't be sorry you did this, Carl."
Ian gave the boy a hug then, and kissed the side of his head. Carl
joined the other boys in the TV room with a smile on his face. He not
only liked Ian and Mary, he knew his appreciation for them was fast turning
into love.
* * *
Berto Hernandez sat parked in his low
rider, the pride of his life, across the street from the entrance
to Ian Carson's condo building. He had reluctantly given
in to his Uncle Alejandro's offer of $100 a night for staking
out the place from 6 p.m. to midnight over the period of a week.
He hated having anything to do with his uncle, but like many
teenagers, he could use the money. He had a photograph
of Carl and Dan, and one of Ian Carson himself which his uncle
had printed out from the morgue at the San Francisco Chronicle.
This Carson guy had apparently been in the papers a lot
Alejandro wouldn't tell the Berto why he wanted this man's
apartment staked out, but Berto had an uneasy feeling about
what he was doing. He couldn't ever remember a time when
his uncle had ever done a good deed for anyone. And he
couldn't help wondering where Alejandro's new-found riches had
come from, but he thought the trip out to Emrick Cadillac might
have something to do with it.
Keeping one eye on the ramp to the garage and one eye on the
penthouse apartment in case any lights came on, Berto thought
about his family. His father was a good, hardworking man,
the superintendent of several apartment buildings, but it was
his mother who had kept him and his two younger brothers on
the straight and narrow. Despite the temptations in a
big city of diverse influences, the Hernandez boys knew right
from wrong. That was why his mother hated it when Uncle
Alejandro stayed with the family or even visited. She
knew the man was a sleaze. She just didn't know how much
of one. If she had found out Alejandro had touched Berto
sexually a few years back, she would cheerfully kill the man
even at this late date.
Berto had deliberately parked under a street light so the light
poured through the driver's side window. He could read
if he wanted to. He pulled out his social studies text
and began to read, interspersed with quick glances at the condo
garage and the windows of the apartment. When his grades
weren't what his mother thought they should be, she gave him
hell.
The boy watched a police car drive by slowly, seemingly paying
no attention to the low rider parked under the light.
It was the first of many patrols. Berto was surprised
at the prominent police presence, confirming in his mind that
the well-to-do neighborhoods generally received better protection.
His class was studying the civil rights movement in the United
States, and Berto was particularly taken with Rosa Parks and
the firestorm this little black woman had unleashed in Montgomery,
Alabama, when she refused to give up her seat on the bus to
a white person. He knew from the television news that
Parks had died recently, and was the first woman whose body
had lain in state in the rotunda of the U.S. Capitol.
Although Hispanics had not endured the same degree of prejudice
that blacks had, Berto knew that Hispanics had their own battles
to fight against prejudice. But he had also been taught
by his mother that he could get somewhere in this world on his
own merits if he really worked at it, and he was committed to
doing that.
He finished reading his assignment, and glanced up at the penthouse
windows. There were no lights he could see on the top
floor of the building, and their had been little traffic in
or out of the condo garage. He slouched down in his seat,
looking at his watch. 10 p.m. Searching around on
the floor, he found an empty, large mouth Gator Aid bottle,
the contents of which he had finished off not long before.
Removing the cap, he unzipped his jeans, fished out his penis,
and relieved himself into it. Screwing the cap back on,
he returned the bottle to the floor of the car.
Reflecting on his stakeout assignment, Berto sat there in his
car until midnight, becoming more disquieted all the time about
what he was doing. He mentally reviewed all the vicious
things that his Uncle Alejandro had done to so many people over
the years, and at first thought about quitting. But then
he decided that he would continue his "job" so that
he could devise a way to give the man some long overdue payback
for molesting him at age 13, among other things. He didn't
know how or when, but he was determined to frustrate his uncle's
plans, whatever they might be, for Ian Carson and those two
boys in the pictures.
At midnight Berto drove home and went to bed, falling asleep
immediately, content with his decision.
© 2005 Don Hanratty
I want to thank readers for your patience in waiting for this chapter to
appear. I've found that living in New Orleans right now, despite
having little personal loss when it comes to material things, is
emotionally debilitating, and I haven't been as motivated as I should
have been. I want to wish you all great holidays!
My thanks to Dan for proofing and editing Chapter 14.
Don Hanratty dhanr1@msn.com.
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