Belovèd
by
Don Hanratty
My Belovèd is mine, and I am his.
Song of Songs 2:16
CHAPTER 16
Carl Emrick drove Ian Carson's Navigator toward St. Francis
University for his second appointment of the week with Dr. Amanda Smith.
Today he felt as if a big, black cloud were hovering over his head, a big, black,
damp cloud, no less. Although it was cool outside, he turned on the
air conditioning and adjusted a louver so that the cold air cascaded over his
face. On the way, deep in reverie, he sat at a stop light turned green until
the car behind him finally blared its horn at him. He rabbited across the
intersection and continued down the road, turning into the university and heading
toward the Medical building where Dr. Smith's office was. He was going to
be a little late and really didn't care.
He knew exactly what had put him in a blue funk. It was William Carson's seemingly
charmed life. Using Kevin as an intermediary, William had talked Kevin into picking
out a cute girl in his class at San Rafael High, showing her a picture of William, and
then asking her to go out in a date with Carson. Lucy Kline, the young lady in
question, had thought William looked mighty fine, and had assented immediately to the
date. So William had gotten all dressed up a few nights ago, and looking really
sharp in a cream colored sport coat over a green T with tan Dockers, borrowed his mother's
little Mercedes convertible and gone off to dinner and a movie with Lucy. It had
been a good first date, and William was all smiles when he came home. The boys had
all piled into William's and Carl's room to find out how things had gone after William had
walked back in the door.
Carl wasn't upset with William. Not at all. More power to the kid, with whom
he gotten very close since they had become roommates at the MacKenzies'. But the
date had only made Carl more painfully aware of how he himself was struggling with his own
life and his own sexuality. Living in the MacKenzie house with all those good
looking boys was so-o-o pleasant. Too pleasant, Carl had concluded. He found
himself constantly staring at their bodies when they weren't looking, and enjoying the
sight way too much. William's date was a sign that he was moving on with his life
despite his family's exile from San Francisco, as were all the boys in one way or another,
including Cam and Kevin. But Carl, by contrast, felt stuck in his anger and
confusion about so many things, including having been raped by his father.
So he was feeling really low, worn down by the struggle to appear untroubled and
unrelentingly straight and macho in his relationships with his peers at the house.
What his father had done to him back in Seaside had obviously loosed some demons in Carl
with which he had never dreamed he would have to contend. He was feeling so low that
thoughts of suicide had increasingly inhabited his waking thoughts, and he had also begun
to wake out of sleep at night in a cold sweat thinking about offing himself.
He was in no mood to spill his guts to his shrink, even one as easy to talk to as Amanda
Smith. But he'd made a promise to Ian that he would go for counseling, and he was a
person of his word.
Amanda Smith was not only knowledgeable, but sensitive and intuitive about people.
She knew the moment she saw Carl walk in the door that things had not been going well
since she'd seen him last, so she didn't waste any time reproving the boy for being
late. She knew that being late was usually a passive-aggressive sign of resistance
to therapy, to be dealt with in due time.
"Tell me what's going on," Dr. Smith said to him without preamble.
"I don't know what to say," Carl responded, looking down at the floor.
"Tell me what's bothering you the most right now."
"My roommate William went on a date two nights ago," Carl said.
"I see. Are you angry about that?"
"Not at him. He's a good friend. I guess I'm angry at myself that I can't
pick up my life where I left off like he and the other guys in the house have, and have
some fun for a change. Nothing I do is any fun. I'm just feeling pissed off
about everything in general."
"Are you still sleeping all right at night?" Amanda asked.
"No. I'm waking up all sweaty in the middle of the night sometimes."
"What's on your mind when you wake up?"
The boy stared at her silently.
"Tell me, Carl. We promised each other that we'd be honest with each
other," Amanda prodded him.
"I know," Carl said. "I feel like a wimp telling you this."
"Believe me, Carl, we all feel like wimps sometimes. What do you need to tell
me?"
"I've been seriously thinking about offing myself. I've started thinking about
it a lot. I've made a list of all my stuff and who should get what when I'm
gone."
"I'm glad you told me," the doctor said. "That's pretty important
information you just gave me. Let me ask you some more questions. Are you
eating all right?"
"No, I haven't been hungry the last week at least."
"How is your energy level?"
"I haven't even been able to go with the other guys for our usual run the last few
days. I want to, but I can't. I just stay in bed."
"Are your relationships with the guys the same as they have been?"
"Pretty much. But I feel so alone, even when everybody's around me."
"After your tutoring sessions are finished for this school year, are you looking
forward to a good summer?"
"I can't imagine what a good summer would be like."
They sat looking at one another for a good minute without speaking. Amanda knew what
Carl had told her were ominous signs.
"What thoughts do you find so troubling that you're thinking about suicide?" she
asked.
Carl's face colored before he answered. "I'm more sure all the time that I'm
queer. I don't want to be, but there's nothing I can do about it. I think I'm
gay, and my father must have known it somehow even before I did, and that's why he beat me
and raped me." He raised his head and looked at her, tears in his eyes.
"He knew I'm a totally worthless piece of shit, a freak. I don't think I'm ever
going to have a decent life knowing what I know about myself now."
"Let's think about that a little bit, Carl. Do you think you telegraph what may
be your sexuality to other people?"
"I don't know. I don't think so, but I don't know. My dad must have seen
something about me that made him do what he did to me, though."
"Do you think it's possible that what your father did to you was to meet his own
needs, twisted though they may be, and had nothing to do with you or your sexuality at
all?"
"It's possible, I guess."
"I'll tell you right out that I don't see any mannerisms in you that speak to what
you think might be your sexuality," Dr. Smith said.
"Really?"
"Really! Do any of the boys at the house know that you think you might be
gay?"
"Cam and Kevin. I told them at their dad's cabin in the Big Sur, after my dad
had molested me, that I wasn't sure at that point what my orientation was."
"Would you feel comfortable asking them if either of them thinks you have any
behaviors that suggest you're gay?"
"I could do that," Carl said. He started to think about how he'd phrase
that question.
"Let me ask you this again," Amanda Smith said. "Do you think that
your father was meeting his own psychosexual needs or your needs when he beat you and had
sex with you?"
Carl pondered that. "I guess I'd have to say he was meeting his own
needs."
"Exactly. We're going to talk about you and your dad a lot more as we move
forward in therapy, but barring some breakthrough that says differently, I want you to see
this event with your father as one that benefited him without any thought about you or who
you are. Does that seem reasonable to you? Whether
you're gay or not gay, and the facts on that matter are still far from being established,
nothing your father did to you had anything to do with you or your sexuality. Any victim would have sufficed for him. But you were handy and he
had power over you and knew you would want to protect your brother. So why don't we
continue on the premise that you were victimized, and not a willing participant on any
level."
"To be honest, seeing myself as a victim doesn't make me feel all that great,
either."
"I understand that. But if we're going to deal in facts, don't you think you
need to be clear about who's responsible for what actions? Were you responsible in
any way for what your father did to you?"
"No, I guess not," Carl said softly, beginning to weep again. "But is
being angry about that whole deal any better than feeling sad?"
"What do you think?"
"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore." Carl paused and
rubbed the tears from his eyes. "How am I ever going to have a life with what
he did to me always on my mind?"
"By talking with me. That's why Mr. Carson wanted you to be my patient.
It takes time to recognize the truth about events in our lives and learn how to deal
rationally with our feelings. Especially when we've been
badly hurt, You've been badly hurt, and your reactions to
what happened to you aren't strange at all. I'm just concerned that you may
overreact to what you're thinking and feeling in the moment by hurting
yourself. I care about you, and I'm not going to let that happen."
"What should I do?" Carl asked.
"I want to hospitalize you to get you on the right meds and get you stabilized.
I promise that it won't be for long."
"I knew counseling wasn't going to work for me," Carl said sorrowfully.
"On the contrary, it is working for you," Amanda Smith assured him.
"It's working very well for you. Didn't I tell you before that things might
seem to get worse before they get better?"
"Please don't lock me up."
"One week out of your life, that's all I'm asking of you. Let me be up
front. I'm doing this for both of us and for your whole family at the
MacKenzies'. I'm not supposed to tell you this, but if anything happened to you, I
don't think I could take it. I'm sure your family couldn't either. My sense
from talking with Catherine MacKenzie is that everybody in that house loves you and
esteems you. I need to protect you right now from something you might do on impulse
and not be able to take back. And I want to protect the people you care about.
So tell me you trust me, and that you'll go along with me on this."
"All right," Carl said dejectedly. "But now everybody will know I
really am a sick freak."
Amanda Smith put down her notepad. "Carl, I can assure you that you're no sick
freak, and nobody's going to think that. If your arm were broken, we wouldn't fool
around here in the office trying to set it without the proper tools so you could go
outside right away and start to play ball. The same thing is true when we have
problems with our minds and our emotions."
Carl sighed. "All right, what do I need to do now?"
"Why don't you give me your car keys, and I'll call over to Marin General and see if
they have a Psych bed open? If they do, I'll call Ian Carson to let him know the
plan, and have somebody from the hospital come and pick you up."
Carl shook his head sadly, and then reached into the pocket of his Levi's and handed over
the keys to the Navigator. Dr. Smith took them and went to her phone and buzzed her
receptionist.
"Marla, get me Admitting at Marin, if you will," Dr. Smith said. Her phone
buzzed a minute later. She talked with Admitting, and a bed was lined up in quick
order. Then she had the receptionist call Ian in San Francisco. He was upset
but assented immediately to Amanda Smith's plan, indicating that he would call her back
within the hour to discuss the matter more fully.
"How does the hospital pick a person up?" Carl asked when she put the phone
down.
"Usually by ambulance."
"Would you call Dr. MacKenzie and ask her if she can take me? I don't want to
go in there like some dork strapped to a gurney."
Amanda Smith's expression softened. "That's little enough to ask," she
said. She pulled a faculty telephone directory for the university out of a desk
drawer, and dialed Catherine's office.
The phone was answered immediately. "MacKenzie."
"Catherine, this is Amanda Smith. Do you have a minute to talk?"
"Of course, Amanda."
"Carl Emrick and I are having a session today, and we've agreed that he needs to go
into the hospital Psych ward for a few days. He's wondering if you could spare the
time to drive him over to Marin General rather than have an ambulance come and get
him."
Catherine glanced at her watch. "Of course I can. My next class isn't for
two hours." She paused. "Do Ian and Mary know?"
"Mr. Carson does."
"Do you mind if I call Mary? She loves this boy."
"Let me ask Carl." The doctor looked at the boy. "Carl, may we
let Mary Carson know what's going on?"
He nodded silently.
"Carl says 'yes.'"
"Should I come over to your office now?"
"Yes, please. We'll be waiting for you."
When Catherine MacKenzie arrived and went into the inner office, Carl and Amanda stood
up. Carl remained in front of his chair when she came in, his head down, tears
running silently down his cheeks. Catherine went to him immediately and put her arms
around him. She said nothing as she held the boy, kissing his cheek and continuing
the embrace, her cheek against his.
"Everything's going to be all right, Carl," Catherine finally told the boy
softly as Amanda Smith looked on. "I love you so much. We all love you so
much. You don't know how much. And that's not going to change. We're
going to take good care of you, and we'll all do whatever we have to do to help you."
When they stepped back from one another, Carl pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket
and mopped his face.
"I used to be a strong person," Carl told Catherine. "Not anymore, I
guess."
"Sweetheart, you don't know how wrong you are," Catherine responded.
"You're one of the strongest people I know, and you're going to recognize that again
for yourself before long."
"I'll be over to see you tonight before I go home," Amanda Smith said to
Carl. "Just to see that you're settled in all right. Catherine, do you
think someone from the house could drop off Carl's personal effects to him?"
"Absolutely," Catherine said. "Carl, is it all right to tell the boys
where you are?"
Carl assented numbly.
"Amanda, if Carl wants to see the boys, will the hospital let them in?"
"I'll leave orders for that to happen," Dr. Smith said. She handed Carl's
car keys to Catherine. "Maybe one of the boys could be driven over here to pick
up Carl's car."
"I'll take care of it," Catherine said. "Carl, thank you for asking
me to take you to the hospital. I appreciate it."
Carl looked at her, trying in vain to smile. "Why are you thanking me?
I'm the one who should be thanking everybody." He reached out and shook hands
with Amanda Smith, and turned back to Catherine. "All right," he said,
taking a big breath, "let's do this."
Catherine and Carl walked out of the building to Catherine's Lincoln. She popped the
locks, and they got in.
Neither of them spoke at first as Catherine maneuvered her way out of the parking lot and
they drove toward the hospital in silence.
"Carl, if I could take your pain and carry it for you myself, I would,"
Catherine eventually said to him.
He looked over at her and nodded, smiling sadly. "You know, I actually believe
you would. This world is shit as far as I'm concerned, but you're one of the few
bright spots in it. You and everybody in your house. I'm only sorry I'm so
much trouble."
"Trouble is one of the ways people really get to know and love each other."
Nothing more was said as they continued driving to the hospital and got Carl checked in.
Ian Carson called Dr. Smith back from San Francisco about an hour later to talk at greater
length about Carl's hospitalization.
"Tell me more about what's going on with Carl," Ian said after the usual cursory
pleasantries were completed.
"Carl told me he's been having suicidal ideation," Amanda Smith said.
"He's not sleeping well, his appetite is poor, he feels hopeless and fatigued and
alone. These are classic signs of risk for adolescent suicide. Trust me that I
don't like to hospitalize people without good reason, especially kids, but the risk for
Carl is just too great to ignore. Sometimes, when the risks are lower, you can be
justified in rolling the dice and opting for a less restrictive treatment setting.
That's not the case here. I hope you're comfortable with my decision."
"I am," Ian said. "What's happened to Carl breaks my heart, that's
all. What's your best guess as to when we can bring him home?"
"I'm thinking a week at this point. I'm putting him on some meds that have
proven effective in many cases of adolescent depression. I want to see him
stabilized before he's discharged. I want you to know that Carl is a good
patient. He's forthcoming, and he toughs it out in our sessions when he knows he has
to tell me something that hurts to talk about. In my opinion, his prognosis is
excellent, Mr. Carson. That he needs to be hospitalized briefly is not necessarily a
bad sign."
"I appreciate the update, Doctor. Please let us know if there's anything we can
do at home to support what you're doing."
"I will. I'd urge you to be positive about Carl's situation with the other
boys. They can be so helpful to Carl as he heals from the experience he had with his
father."
"I'll do that. The boys kid each other a lot, but they're extremely supportive
of one another. They'll want to do everything they can for Carl."
"Good!" Amanda Smith said. "Please call me if you have any questions
as we move forward."
"Thank you. I will."
* * *
Despite his burning anger at his uncle, Alberto Hernandez had been at
loss at first as to how to contact Ian Carson. After all, he knew for a fact
that the man wasn't coming home to his condo. Berto went home after school and
dropped off his books. He ate some cookies and drank some milk, thinking that at
some point that his uncle had mentioned that Carson was a lawyer. He took the
Yellow Pages and looked through the listing of attorneys. Ian Carson's name
jumped off the page at him. He wrote down the telephone number for Carson's law
firm and then called it.
His call was screened, of course, and the lady on the switchboard told him that Mr.
Carson was in a meeting. Mr. Carson wasn't really in a meeting, but she was not
just about to put through some youngster who wouldn't tell her why he wanted to speak
with the Senior Partner.
Berto slammed the bulky phone book down on the table after writing down the address
for Carson's law firm. He ate a last cookie and gulped the rest of his
milk. Putting his glass into the dish washer, he picked up his car keys and left
the house in Monterey to drive to San Francisco. The traffic was light going
into the city at that time of day, and soon he'd parked his car in the garage serving
Ian's firm, and taken the elevator upstairs to the top floor.
Ian had just put down his phone from talking with Dr. Amanda Smith when his secretary
knocked and came into his office.
"Yes, Bev?" he asked.
"Mr. Carson, there's a young boy waiting in the outer office. He says his
name is Alberto Hernandez. He insists on seeing you, but he won't tell anyone
why."
Ian looked at his watch and sighed. It was time he was on the road home to San
Rafael.
"All right," he said reluctantly, "show him in."
A moment later, a Latino boy walked in, solemn and unsmiling. Ian stood up
from behind his desk and walked around to shake hands with his visitor. The
youth was tall, about 5'11", spare, with a handsome face and a beautiful,
unblemished, cocoa complexion. He was dressed in loose fit, tan cargo pants, a
neatly pressed sport shirt and sparkling white Nike's.
Berto took Ian's hand and shook it.
"Thanks for seeing me," the boy said. "I'm Alberto
Hernandez."
"How do you do?" Ian answered. "Ian Carson. Please sit
down," he said, gesturing at a chair. "May I offer you something to
drink?"
The boy's face relaxed for the first time, and he almost smiled as he sank into the
chair in front of the desk.
"Uh, maybe some water," Berto said hesitantly.
Ian nodded at his secretary, who walked over to the inside wall and opened a panel to
reveal a small refrigerator. She took a bottle of water from it, removed the
cap, and gave it to the boy. Then she left, closing Ian's door silently behind
her.
Berto took a swallow of water, and looked at Ian.
"How may I help you, Mr. Hernandez?" Ian asked.
Berto smiled. "Please call me Berto, or Al," he said. He looked
down at his shoes, then plunged ahead. "I have an uncle named Alejandro
Hernandez. He just got out of the Monterey County jail a few weeks ago. He
hired me for $100 an evening to watch your apartment every day from late afternoon
until midnight. He's looking for you and for these boys..." Berto
reached into the side pocket of his cargos and pulled out two pictures, now a little
dog eared, along with a tattered newspaper photo, and handed them to Ian. The
news photo was of Ian, and the pictures were of Carl and Dan Emrick.
Ian took the three photos, and although he didn't react outwardly, he felt a stab of
fear in his guts. Not for himself, but for the boys.
"Do you know why he wants to find us?" Ian asked.
"No, I don't," Berto said. "But my uncle has never done one
decent thing in his life that I can remember, and it's time somebody stopped
him. I don't want to see anybody get hurt."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"He's been hitting me and threatening me because I couldn't find you and these
boys at your condo building," Berto admitted. "One way or another, I'm
going to stop him from hurting me anymore, my mother and father, or anybody
else. My mother threw him out of our house last night for hurting me, so he's
got it in for her now. I'm going to stop him if I have to kill him myself."
Ian laid the pictures on his desk and studied Berto. The man was a pretty good
judge of character, and he was getting good vibes from this boy.
"Have you reported this to the police?" Ian asked.
"No, I didn't know what to tell them," Berto said. "I don't know
whether it's against the law to have somebody's house watched or not."
"Good point," Ian said. "But I meant for assaulting you."
"No."
"Do you mind if I call someone to check on your uncle's record?"
"No."
Ian picked up his phone, first buzzing his secretary.
"Bev, I'm going to be a while. If you'll call Mrs. Carson and let her know
I'm going to be late, you can go on home."
"Thank you, Mr. Carson. Good night."
"'Night, Bev." Ian consulted a phone caddy on his desk, and finding a
number, punched it into the phone. "Captain
Ridenour, please," he said when the line answered.
"Who's calling, please?"
"Ian Carson."
"Hold, please."
"Ian, how are you?" the voice of the California Highway Patrol captain asked
a moment later.
"Fine, thanks, Tom. And you?"
"Good. Given our crime situation, I'm never going to lack for
business."
"Me, either," Ian said.
"What can I do for you?" Ridenour asked.
"I have a young man in my office whose uncle was just released from the Monterey
County jail a few weeks ago. His uncle hired the boy to stake out my condo here
in the city, and gave him my picture along with pictures of Carl and Dan Emrick.
I'm sure you remember helping out Carl Emrick and arresting his father for abusing the
boy not long ago."
"Yes, I do. Sad case."
"I'm wondering if you could take a quick look at the uncle's record for me.
His name is..." Ian looked at Berto.
"Alejandro Hernandez. He lives in Monterey."
"Alejandro Hernandez of Monterey," Ian said into the phone.
"Hold on. Let me take a gander." Ian heard the sound of computer
keys clicking.
Tom Ridenour whistled. "Oh, man! This guy has a record as long as
your arm. He was released from jail in Monterey recently because a key witness
against him turned up murdered."
"Was he in jail at the same time as Walter Emrick?"
"Hold on..." The phone was silent except for clicking computer keys.
"Yep," Ridenour said. "They were there together, and in the same
unit."
"I was afraid of that," Ian said. "I think it's a good bet that
Walter Emrick may have hired Hernandez to take Carl out. The whole case against
Emrick hinges on Carl."
"Yep," Captain Ridenour said. "You want us to do anything else at
this point?"
"Yes," Ian said, staring across the desk at Berto. "Run a check
of juvenile records on Alberto Hernandez from Monterey."
Berto looked at the Ian inscrutably as the lawyer again listened to the clicking of
computer keys through the phone.
"No record, sealed or otherwise, on anyone by that name in Monterey. One in
LA, but that Alberto Hernandez is 21 by now."
"Thanks, Tom."
"I'm only a phone call away if you need anything else."
"I appreciate that," Ian said. "Let me talk with Hernandez's
nephew some more, and I'll get back to you if I need to."
"All right, Ian. Stay in touch. Close touch." Ian
could hear real concern in Ridenour's voice.
"Will do."
* * *
William Carson was particularly insistent about seeing Carl the first night he was in
the hospital. After supper, Cam and Kevin drove him in the Camaro to the
doctor's office at the university. William picked up the Navigator, and
following verbal directions from Cam, went on to Marin General with strict
instructions to tell Carl how much he was missed at home already. He had Carl's
toilet kit with him, along with his Gameboy and some race car magazines that Carl
liked.
Carl was in a locked ward. They let William go down to his room after they
checked the boy's shaving kit and magazines for contraband at the psych ward
desk. Carl was sitting in his chair in hospital-issue bath robe and pajamas,
watching TV when William went in.
"Dude!" William said.
"Hey, man!" Carl said, standing up.
To Carl's surprise, macho William put the stuff he'd brought down on the bed, and
walked up to Carl and threw his arms around him, kissing him on top of his head before
letting him go.
"I didn't know you cared," Carl told his friend, trying to grin and be cool.
"I hope you know better," William said seriously, not cracking a
smile. "If not, you're going to find out. I brought your stuff."
"Thanks."
"Are you all right?" William asked as they sat down in chairs facing each
other.
"I guess not. Being here kinda speaks for itself, doesn't it?"
"I don't like it when circumstances fuck with my family," William said
firmly. "You're family, and I'm not liking this at all."
Carl sighed. "Yeah, I know. I don't like it, either. But Dr.
Smith says it's only for a week, probably. So I'll be back home lookin' at your
ugly face before long."
"I have strict instructions from the guys to tell you 'Hey!' and let you know how
much you're missed. I don't know why everybody loves an asshole like you so
much, but you've fooled 'em, and they do. You made my mother cry because you're
in here, dawg!"
"I...I'm sorry."
William dismissed what had been said with a wave of the hand. "Are you
gonna tell me why you're here?"
Carl looked at the floor. "I may as well. It won't be a secret for
long. I've been thinking about offing myself."
William sat back in his chair with an incredulous look on his face. "But
why, man? You've got the world by the ass! You're hot, you're athletic,
you're smart, you even dress nice, and people like ya. We're your family, and
we're a good family, if I do say so myself. What the fuck?"
"You don't know everything that went on before your mom and dad took Dan and me
in."
"Well?"
"I can't talk about it..."
"What, am I gonna hafta beat it outta ya?"
Carl's face reddened in embarrassment, and he looked down at the floor in silence.
"I didn't mean that," William said. "I'm sorry. Forget I
said anything."
Carl looked up slowly. "No, I'll tell you. But please don't say
anything to anybody else, all right?"
"I won't," William promised.
Looking at the floor again, Carl came clean. "My father...my father made me
strip and then beat me with a whip and raped me awhile back. I knew if I didn't
do what he said, he'd go after Dan." He paused. "But I can't
seem to stop remembering over and over what he did to me, and it's bringing me
down."
"Holy fucking shit," William said softly. "I thought from the
newspapers that maybe he just hit you or something."
"I wish."
The two boys sat quietly for a long moment, William looking at Carl, and Carl looking
at William. William was visibly upset, and once again surprised Carl when tears
began running down his face.
"I'm sorry, Carl," William said finally, taking out his handkerchief and
rubbing away his tears. "Jesus, why didn't you tell me?"
"Would you have told me if our positions were reversed?"
"I don't know," William admitted. "But I'm your roomie,
man. Sometimes it helps to talk."
"I guess," Carl said.
"Who else knows?"
"Your mom and dad, obviously, Catherine, Dr. Smith, and Cam and Kevin."
"Kevin and Cam! Why did you tell them and not me?"
"They dressed my welts in the Big Sur the day after it happened, when I was in a
lot of pain. My ass was bleeding. And they contacted your dad for
help. They had to know, or I'd have been up shit creek."
"Yeah. I understand." William studied his friend's face.
"I wish...I wish I could help ya some way."
"I know ya do. But there's no quick fix for this, I guess. Your dad
and Dr. Smith say that I'm going to be all right in time. So I'm trying to do
what they say. I don't know what else to tell ya."
"All right, man," William said. "Listen, they told me at the
front desk they didn't want me to stay for too long, so they're probably gonna throw
me outta here in a minute. But thanks for tellin' me what's goin' on. I
won't repeat anything you told me." He stopped and looked at Carl.
"Getcher ass home as soon as you can." He smiled. "'Course,
there's an upside to this."
"What's that?"
"Without you around, I can jack off in bed in the morning instead of waiting 'til
I get in the shower," William told him, laughing.
Carl chuckled. "You dick, that's one news flash I couldda done
without. Too much information!"
William laughed, and the two of them stood up. Once again, William wrapped Carl
up in those long arms of his, and kissed the shorter boy on top of the head.
They'd definitely gone beyond the normal slip, slide, dap and shoulder bump in this
relationship, Carl thought to himself.
With a last wave, William left Carl standing in his room, homesick for his family.
Good as her word, Dr. Smith stopped by to see him about 8 p.m. before going home to
her own family. They talked for a few minutes, and once the doctor was assured
that Carl was not too distraught about being hospitalized, she left, stopping at the
front desk on her way out to write orders for Carl's meds and prescribe his routine.
Carl wandered around the halls between the shows he wanted to see on television.
He was housed in the youth unit of the hospital psych department, which served not
only mental health patients but also young substance abusers who were being
detoxed. He was approached by several of the latter looking for booze, crack or
blow. When he told them he didn't have any drugs, they looked through him as if
he weren't there and walked away, zombies intent on their quest.
The boy turned off the TV and prepared to go to bed early later
that night, feeling even more fatigued than usual. A nurse came by with a mild
sedative and some other pills prescribed by Dr. Smith, and he took the pills with
water. Once in bed, he surprised himself by saying an Our Father, a Hail Mary,
and praying for every member of his family back at the MacKenzie house before closing
his eyes for the night. He slept soundly, not awakening until breakfast was
served the next morning in the little cafeteria down the hall. Things looked a
little brighter in the light of day.
* * *
Back at his office, Ian talked with Berto Hernandez at length
about the boy's situation.
"I'm worried about what your uncle might do to you and your family," he
told the boy. "I suppose I should let you know what all this is
about."
Berto nodded, saying nothing.
"Earlier this year a man named Walter Emrick beat one of his sons in Seaside
very badly. A young friend called me and I became involved in the
case. Walter Emrick is sitting in the Monterey County jail right now
awaiting trial. My fear is that he put out a contract on the son he hurt,
and from the pictures you showed me, probably on the younger son as well. I think your uncle has been paid to murder the Emrick boys and me, if
not my two sons, and that's why he had you stake out my condo. The boy who was victimized is the critical witness. You yourself may have to testify to what your uncle hired you to do, and
the knowledge you have about that puts you in danger now, too. My responsibility is to keep you and all these boys alive. Your
parents' lives may be in danger as well.
"I want to put you in protective custody," the lawyer told his
visitor. "Not with the police, I don't mean that, because unfortunately
I can't prove any of this. Yet."
"What do you mean, exactly, when you say 'protective custody?'"
"It means that I would hide you out until the upcoming trial involving the
Emrick boys' father is over. I'd also like to get enough evidence to have
your uncle charged with taking on murders for hire and for conspiracy." Ian
paused. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
"No."
"What do you think the chances are that your uncle might hurt your father and
mother?"
"My uncle hates my mother, I know that, but I'm not sure he'd hurt her.
It's not in our tradition to hurt women," Berto said with a trace of pride,
"but of course my uncle is a very bad person, so anything's possible.
He's not like my father. My father is very gentle, and has never done
anything bad to Uncle Alejandro or anyone else."
Ian looked thoughtfully across the desk at the boy.
"I believe what you've told me, Berto. My first thought when you walked
in here was that you were lying to get information about where the Emrick boys
are. But having heard you out, I think you're telling me the truth, and I'm
more than willing to take a chance on you. I'll find a place for you to live
out of town, and for your parents, too, if they'll go. I'm concerned about
them."
"I don't know if they would go. My dad is custodian for a couple of
buildings in Monterey, and I don't think he'll want to leave his job."
"Well, we'll have to see. Is your school year over?"
"Two weeks from now. But we're not doing anything much the last few
weeks."
"You're in high school, I take it?"
"Yes, sir."
"What year?"
"I'm finishing my junior year."
"Are you a good student?"
"Yes, sir. My mother makes me study. She always has."
"How are your grades?"
"I'm an honor student," Berto said.
Ian smiled. "You don't know how much I like to hear that!
Congratulations! What's your favorite subject?"
Berto reflected for a moment. "History, I guess."
"That's an important discipline," Ian said. "We all need to
remember what a philosopher named George Santayana said: 'Those who do not
learn the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them.'"
Berto smiled, but said nothing.
"Will you let me talk to your mother on the phone?"
"Yes."
Ian stood up and went around the desk. "Sit behind my desk and get her
on the phone for me, please."
"Yes, sir." The boy went around, sat down and dialed the
phone. When someone answered, he began speaking intermittently in rapid
Spanish in which Ian's name was mentioned. Then he handed the phone across
the desk to Ian. "My mother," Berto said.
"Buenas tardes, Señora Hernandez, my name is Ian Carson."
"Si, Señor Carson. Buenas tardes."
"I'm an attorney in the city, Señora. I'm asking you for permission to
take your son out of town because I believe your brother-in-law, Alejandro
Hernandez, may hurt him." Ian heard the woman gasp, and knew he had her
undivided attention. He went on to tell her the whole story about the
Emricks and what Berto had been hired to do for Alejandro. He explained his
fears that Walter Emrick had hired Alejandro at least to kill the witness against
him, and that perhaps Berto might be murdered as well because of what he knew
about targeting Ian and the Emrick boys. The woman listened quietly, saying
nothing as Ian talked.
"I know this takes a giant leap of faith on your part, Señora, but I want
you to let me take Berto with me to stay with my wife and children, and with the
Emrick boys, until Mr. Emrick's trial for hurting his older boy is over. And
I'd like you and your husband to come along with us as well. I think all
three of you are in danger. All your family's expenses will be
covered."
"Gracias, Señor, that is most kind of you, but I have been dealing with my
husband's brother all my life. I'm not afraid of him, and my husband and I
are not going to run from him." Mrs. Hernandez spat out something in
Spanish that didn't sound very complimentary to Alejandro. She paused.
"If I let you take my Berto, where can I reach him?"
Ian breathed a sigh of relief that at least the boy would be safe. "I'm
going to give you my cell phone number. Call me, and I promise you I will
have Berto call you right away. Obviously, we want our location kept as
confidential as possible." He gave her the number, and she wrote it
down.
"Si, I understand," Mrs. Hernandez said. "I'm only letting
you do this because I know Alejandro so well. Are you going to come for
Berto's clothes and things?"
"No, as long as you're not going to let me pick you up, it's too risky,"
Ian said. "We'll stop tonight on the way home and get him some new
things."
"We will pay you," Mrs. Hernandez said.
"We can talk about that when all this is over," Ian said.
"Thank you, thank you, for letting me take Berto somewhere safe. You
won't be sorry. I'll have him call you tonight, all right?"
"Si."
"Do you want me to ask the Monterey police to pass by your house regularly on
their patrols?"
"Is all right, Señor Carson. My husband and I will be fine."
I hope so, Ian thought to himself. "All right, Señora, Berto will call
you tonight."
They hung up.
Berto vacated Ian's chair, and Ian went around the desk and sat down.
"What's your address in Monterey?" he asked Berto.
Berto gave it to him, and Ian picked up the phone and called Tom Ridenour.
"Tom, you're really working late tonight," Ian said to the
Highway Patrol officer when he got him.
"Yeah. So are you."
"Yes. I need another quick favor," Ian said. "Can you
have the Monterey police check out the Hernandez family's house on their regular
patrols for the next few nights? Mrs. Hernandez has agreed to let me hide
Berto out, but she and her husband won't leave town. I'm afraid Alejandro
Hernandez might harm them."
"Will do. Give me the address."
Ian read off the address, and after a few more pleasantries, they hung up.
Ian dialed Catherine's phone at home, and she answered.
"Catherine, this is Ian."
"Yes, Ian."
"I need to ask you another big favor."
"I haven't done any big favors for you, Ian. You've done some really
big ones for me, though."
"I don't think so. Listen, I'm still in the city, and I won't make it
home in time for supper tonight," Ian said. "I need to bring
another boy who will be a key witness in the Emrick trial home to stay until the
trial is over. His name is Alberto Hernandez, Berto for short. Will
you let me do that?"
"Of course." She laughed. "'In for a penny, in for a
pound.' We can put him in Carl's bed tonight, and work out more permanent
arrangements later."
"You don't know how grateful I am, Catherine. I should see you in a
couple of hours. Will you let Mary know I'm going to be even later than I
thought, and why?"
"Of course. We'll see you when we see you. I'll save enough
supper for two if I can keep the boys' paws off of it. I think Rosa made
Mexican pot roast for tonight. Is that serendipitous, or what?"
"That's wonderful. Thank you. We'll see you after we stop and buy
some clothes and toiletries for Berto."
Ian hung up and sat back in his big leather desk chair, looking at the boy sitting
across the desk from him.
"I know you're going to miss being home, but you're going to like living with
us, Berto. You're going to have six new, instant brothers, all nice
guys."
Berto smiled. "All right," he said.
"You have a car, I assume."
"Yes."
"Do you want to take it, or leave it here in our garage? We can pick it
up tomorrow."
"I'd like to take it, but I don't want to get separated from you on the
road."
"Why don't you leave it here overnight," Ian suggested, "and you
can either come into town with me tomorrow morning when I come to work, or one of
the boys will bring you in. By then you'll know how to get home."
"Where do you live now?"
"In San Rafael until after Walter Emrick's trial."
"Will my car be safe here?"
"Yes. There are security cameras."
"Sounds good."
The two of them stood up, Ian stretching to get the kinks out of his back, and
they left the office and the suite, following a passage connected to the parking
garage. Once there, they climbed into a blue, midsize Toyota sedan, and
buckled up.
"You like this car?" Berto asked.
"Yes. It's not mine, though." Ian said. "It's a
rental. I leave my SUV at the house in case the boys need it."
"Oh."
"Are you hungry?" Ian asked.
"Yes," Berto said a little hesitantly.
"They're saving some supper for us at home. If you can hold out,
though, why don't we make a quick stop at a store in San Rafael to get you some
necessities before we go home. Then Mary, my wife, will take you shopping
for some additional things tomorrow afternoon. You'll at least need a new
suit and good shoes for church."
Berto blinked. "Church?"
"Yes. You do go to church, don't you?"
"Not very often."
"You do now," Ian said, smiling. "That's one of the few rules
we have."
Berto nodded. "OK."
"Do you have a cell phone?"
"Yes."
"We'll get you another one, and discontinue service on the one you
have. I don't want your uncle calling you."
"Me, neither." Berto turned and looked at Ian. "How can
you do all this for me? You must be rich."
Ian smiled. "Yes, I guess so."
The two of them talked about Berto's school and about sports during the ride up to
San Rafael. Ian exited at the usual spot, but instead of heading home,
turned the opposite way at the head of the ramp and went to a huge discount
clothing store. He let Berto pick out five pairs of Dockers and sport
shirts, some cargo pants and board shorts, two weeks worth of boxers, T's and
sweat socks, two pairs of Nike's, some running shorts, a huge pair of garish swim
trunks, a batch of handkerchiefs, and some toiletries. The boy tried on the
clothes he needed to, and they were good to go.
"If we forgot any basics, you and Mary can get them tomorrow," Ian said
when they checked out.
"Thanks for doing all this, Mr. Carson," Berto said as they walked to
the car.
"You're welcome. And you can call me 'Ian.' All the boys
do."
"Yes, sir, Mr. Ian."
Ian smiled at the residual formality, but said nothing.
They drove back the way they had come and on to the MacKenzie house. Ian hit
the remote when he pulled into the driveway, the gate opened, and after driving
into a spacious garage area, Ian shut off the engine. Rosa Mendez's car was
still there, and Ian wondered if she had waited to greet the new boy before going
home.
"Welcome home, Berto," Ian said, getting out of the car.
"Let's get your stuff out of the trunk."
They grabbed up the packages, and Berto took in the back yard and swimming
pool, illuminated by flood lights, as they walked toward the house.
Alice and Sam, the two border collies, looked up from where they were playing on
the lawn, and then went back to wrestling over a rubber bone.
"Nice place," Berto said as he and Ian climbed the stairs to the back
deck, loaded down with packages.
"Yes, it is," Ian agreed. "I think you'll enjoy it."
They opened the back door, and everybody except for Carl was waiting for them when
they stepped into the kitchen and put their packages down on the floor.
There were big smiles all around, and Rosa Mendez stepped forward.
"Buenos noches, Berto!" She began speaking to him in rapid Spanish
as she gave the new boy a hug and kiss to welcome him.
"Berto, this is Rosa Mendez," Ian said. "She runs the
house. This is Catherine MacKenzie, our hostess. This is Mary, my
wife. These are the boys: William, Cam, Kevin, Dan, and Mark.
Carl is away right now, but you'll meet him in a few days when he comes
back." Catherine and Mary gave the new arrival a hug, and the boys
dapped him as Ian introduced them.
Berto noticed that all the boys looked buff, even Mark and Dan, the youngest guys.
"Hey, man, glad you're here," Kevin said to the boy, dapping him again
and then bending down to pick up packages. "I'll help take these up to
your room."
"Thanks," Berto said, excited and a little overwhelmed by all the
attention.
William grabbed the remainder of the packages, and he and Kevin disappeared up the
back stairs.
Ian pulled out his cell phone and handed it to Berto. "First, call your
mother and let her know we arrived safely."
"Yes, sir," Berto said, dialing the phone. He received strict
instructions from his mother during the call to be a good guest.
"You two must be famished," Catherine said to Ian and Berto after the
latter ended his conversation. "Come on into the dining room, and we'll
feed you supper right now." Everybody crowded into the dining
room. There were two place settings left on the table, and Berto and Ian sat
down in front of them as the boys all sat down around the table, soon rejoined by
William and Kevin from upstairs.
Rosa brought in a huge, steaming container of--yes, her famous Mexican pot
roast--and put in on a trivet on the table in front of Ian and Berto.
"I glad I make this when I hear you coming to stay here," Rosa said to
Berto as she poured milk for him and water for Ian.
"Hey, I thought you made the pot roast mostly for me!" Cam complained to
Rosa.
"Me, too," Mark Carson said, "for me!"
"For me," William chimed in.
"You're all idiots!" Kevin said. "Rosa's glad she made it for
me."
Rosa laughed and shook her head. "All right, then, the truth. I
make it for all of you!"
Ian and Berto helped themselves, and after Ian offered thanks for the two of them,
dug right in. Mary Carson brought them some garlic toast fresh from the
oven.
"This is really good, Rosa," Berto said after a few bites.
"Gracias."
"Si, Berto," she said, taking off her apron and preparing to go home.
Rosa left, and after supper the boys gave Berto a tour of the house, yard, and
pool house, hoping to make him feel at home. He was starting to.
After watching the evening news on television for a few minutes, the boys all
trooped upstairs to go to bed.
Kevin and Cam worked out for a while in the weight room before turning in,
showering together, cleaning their teeth, and then hitting the bed, naked as
jaybirds. Kevin lay on his back and Cam on his side, facing him. Cam
looked down into his lover's face.
"Berto seems nice," Kevin said, looking up at Cam.
"Yeah. I think so. We got ourselves quite a little family
now. All the guys are really good looking, y'know. But none of them
holds a candle to you, buddy!" Cam cupped Kevin's chin and gave his
head a little shake for emphasis, and then stroked his chest.
"Thanks," Kevin said. "Ditto. I'm know lucky to have
you, Cam. You're dope, man, and so cooperative in bed! Not everybody's
so fortunate. And that reminds me of a story Jimmy Vargas told me at school
today."
"Uh huh," Cam said, looking skeptical.
"A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his
arm and says
to his girlfriend, 'Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you
have
a headache.'
"His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies, 'I think you'll
find that's
a sheep, you moron!'
"The man says: 'I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you.'"
Cam burst out laughing, and then rolled over on to Kevin, lying full out
on top of him, and started to get hard. Kevin reached up and grabbed
Cam's ass cheeks with both hands.
"Pig, sheep, it's all the same to me as long as he's versatile like
you," Kevin kidded his partner, and things progressed perfectly from
there.
© 2006 Don Hanratty
Special thanks to Dan for editing and proofing this chapter.
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